“Rumpelstiltskin must die!”

Avengers Grimm (2015), the latest “mock”-buster from The Asylum, is a surprisingly fun mix of NBC’s Once Upon a Time and Marvel‘s The Avengers. It’s like Grimm’s Fairy Tales adapted into a low-budget/high-octane action thriller in which (super)heroines Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel join forces with Red Riding Hood to stop the villainous Rumpelstiltskin from taking over the modern world! Avengers Grimm, written and directed by Jeremy M. Inman, is an entertaining fairy-tale-meets-comic-book action/fantasy that was sprinkled with the charm of Inman‘s first (indie) film Super Hero Party Clown (2010) but polished through The Asylum‘s profit-making B-movie machine. The result, however, is an unexpected gem!

The Asylum is the production company that cranks out low-budget movies to capitalize on mega-budget movies by major studios. Avengers Grimm, obviously, was made to capitalize on Joss Whedon‘s upcoming Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), and follows in the wake of similar Asylum “mock”-busters such as Almighty Thor (2011) [made to capitalize on Marvel‘s Thor], Grimm’s Snow White (2012) [made to capitalize on Snow White and the Huntsman and Mirror Mirror] and Sleeping Beauty (2014) [made to capitalize on Maleficent]. However, unlike those films, Avengers Grimm isn’t an outright rip-off of the overblown blockbuster it’s capitalizing on. Avengers Grimm, despite shameless similarities to Marvel‘s The Avengers (2012), delivers its own thrilling adventure with familiar heroines from Grimm Brothers‘ fairy tales, not Marvel‘s comic books. “Rumpelstiltskin must die!” Red declares, after joining forces with the others. I wouldn’t have thought any less if her statement was this film’s title! I mean how can you not love five sexy women kicking ass? There just isn’t enough of them in The Avengers for me!

First, let’s meet the Queen and the Princesses [and the actresses who play them] …

Rapunzel (Rileah Vanderbilt), Cinderella (Milynn Sarley), Sleeping Beauty (Marah Fairclough)

Snow White (Lauren Parkinson), of course, is the Queen, while Sleeping Beauty (Marah Fairclough), Rapunzel (Rileah Vanderbilt) and Cinderella (Milynn Sarley) are the Princesses. These four women are skilled fighters, and each is endowed with magical powers relating to their fairy tale legend. “We are not heroes,” Cinderella tells Red. “We’re avengers,” she adds, because each of them, as we all know, has been wronged by evil forces. Snow White was poisoned by a wicked Queen, Sleeping Beauty was cursed by an evil witch, Cinderella was tortured by an evil stepmother, and Rapunzel was locked in a tower.

Snow White (Lauren Parkinson)

Snow White has the power to make things freeze. She can also make icicle daggers appear in her hands. She is a hardened Queen driven by the uncompromisable belief that “no life is worth a Kingdom.” Snow White is even willing to sacrifice Rapunzel when she is captured because saving her might allow Rumpelstiltskin to put the Kingdom in jeopardy. Sure, it sounds harsh but isn’t it U.S. policy not to negotiate with terrorists? Her steadfast conviction is truly tested in the film’s finale. Lauren Parkinson [IMDb], who plays Snow White, reminds me of Christa Campbell. She has lips as red as the rose, hair as black as ebony, and skin as white as snow. She’s perfect for this role! Parkinson will star in the upcoming film Appetites (2015) which, based on the trailer (here) and this photo (here), is a film that I must see! She will also star in the upcoming Roger Corman-produced CobraGator (2015), which follows Corman‘s other ridiculous hybrid creature features Sharktopus (2010), Piranhaconda (2012) and Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (2014). I’ll watch CobraGator – just to see Lauren Parkinson!

Sleeping Beauty has the power to place people into a sleeping trance. She is also the most princess-like of the three Princesses, which is apparent when she checks her nails after a scuffle with some thralls (i.e. Rumpelstiltskin’s zombified slaves). Marah Fairclough [Website/IMDb], who plays Sleeping Beauty, also starred in the sad ghost story The Girl in the Woods (2010). The short was written and directed by Ruben Pallan.

Rapunzel doesn’t really have a magical power. She has the ability to use her long, braided hair as a weapon. I like that Inman didn’t use CGI to animate Rapunzel’s hair to give her more of a magical power. It would have worked with a bigger budget, but, not with The Asylum‘s cut-rate financing, especially since CGI is used sparingly in Avengers Grimm. Rileah Vanderbilt [Website/IMDb], who plays Rapunzel, previously starred as Wonder Woman in Rainfall Film‘s excellent fan film directed by Sam Balcomb. Check it out in my post on several Wonder Woman fan films (here) or check out this awesome photo (here). She was once married to filmmaker Adam Green and has appeared in much of his work including the feature films Hatchet (2006), Frozen (2010), Hatchet II (2010), Hatchet III (2013); the awesome TV series Holliston (2013); and, the short film Sexy Nightmare Slayers (2011). The latter was a proposed web series co-created by Green and Vanderbilt. She stars in that short with Clare Grant. Together, they are part of Team Unicorn. More on that later.

Cinderella (Milynn Sarley)

Cinderella is my favorite of the three Princesses in Avengers Grimm. She has the power to turn things into other things which she, apparently, inherited from her Fairy Godmother. Unlike Snow White, Cinderella is more concerned about people than Kingdoms. She is especially concerned about Red Riding Hood’s well-being. I was hoping that her concern would eventually be revealed to be because of a sexual attraction to Red but, alas, Cinderella is also concerned about her husband who is one of Rumpelstiltskin’s thralls back home! Cinderella’s fight with Red in the L.A. River is fantastic! Milynn Sarley [Website/IMDb] who plays Cinderella, is sooo sexy and beautiful! All of the women in Avengers Grimm are sexy and beautiful, but, Milynn Sarley is my newest crush! Sarley, along with Rileah Vanderbilt, Clare Grant and Michelle Boyd created the multi-media group Team Unicorn in 2011. It was created “because like unicorns, geek girls were not supposed to exist.” Team Unicorn have since produced all sorts of awesome geek girl entertainment. Alison Haislip, by the way, replaced Boyd in 2014.

Next, let’s meet the peasant [and the actress who plays her] …

Red Riding Hood (Elizabeth Peterson)

Red Riding Hood is the best part of Avengers Grimm! Snow White might be the fairest of them all, but Red Riding Hood is, undoubtedly, the biggest bad-ass in all the kingdoms! Red lives to kill The Wolf, the monster in human skin who killed her family. She chases after him, relentlessly, like Ahab after Moby Dick, in both worlds! Red has no magical powers. She is merely a peasant girl, who happens to be exceptionally skilled in martial arts and with a bow and arrow. Sure, the similarity to Hawkeye from The Avengers is obvious but, so what? Red’s best scene is when, in the modern world, she chases The Wolf into a bar owned by Iron John. The Wolf kills a man and escapes. However, Iron John’s men, led by Tucker, find and blame Red. “Is this everyone?” she smirks, glancing at the men. “It’s plenty,” Tucker replies. “All the better,” she grins, then proceeds to kick their asses with awesomely stylish moves! Red’s next best scene is when she is apprehended and taken before Iron John, played by The Incredible Hulk himself Lou Ferrigno. She tells him that it was The Wolf, not her. “I’m gonna kill him,” she assures him. “How are you gonna do that?” Iron John laughs. Then, Red cartwheels over Iron John, getting him in a headlock from behind. “Like this!” she snarls. Oh, and let’s not forget Red’s fight with Cinderella in the L.A. River, or every other scene she’s in! Red Riding Hood is f*cking awesome! The only way she could be any cooler is if she had that thing with Cinderella that I was hoping for! Elizabeth Peterson [IMDb], who plays Red, previously starred in Ed Hunt‘s Halloween Hell (2014) with Eric Roberts. She deserves better. Her resume isn’t extensive (yet), so watch her 2014 demo reel (here).

Finally, let’s (briefly) meet the villains [and the actors who play them] …

Rumpelstiltskin (Casper Van Dien)

Rumpelstiltskin is the megalomaniacal main villain of Avengers Grimm. He likes to make deals and uses the “dark arts” to persuade people to do his bidding. He also creates zombified slaves called thralls. He is played by Casper Van Dien who, as far as far as I’m concerned, is Chris Carmack‘s twin brother. I was never a big fan of Van Dien until after I watched him in the excellent horror film The Pact (2012), with the very lovely Caity Lotz.

The Wolf is not only Red’s nemesis but also Rumpelstiltskin’s trusted servant. He is a cold-blooded killer. The Wolf is played by retired MMA fighter Kimo Leopoldo. Iron John is a small-time gang leader who thrives on order. He and his gang have stayed under Rumpelstiltskin’s radar until Red showed up. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with him and he becomes, well, “iron” Iron John. He is forced to work for Rumpelstiltskin but his conscience eventually takes over. Iron John, of course, is played by ex-bodybuilder/ex-Incredible Hulk Lou Ferrigno.

So, what’s it all about? Well, “Once Upon a Time …”

After starting a rebellion in the Kingdom, Rumpelstiltskin demands that Snow White send him through her Magic Mirror into the modern world to live like a god. If she refuses, he’ll kill her like he killed her husband, the King. She agrees, and opens the portal, but snarls, “No life is worth a kingdom.” She tries to stop him from going through, but both of them are sucked into the mirror. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel arrive at the palace, followed by Red Riding Hood chasing The Wolf. The Wolf throws Red into the mirror, shattering it and, suddenly, all of them are transported to modern-day Los Angeles. The Wolf runs, and Red, with a mirror fragment stuck in her, chases after him. Soon, Snow White arrives in a red sports car. She tells the Princesses that years have passed since she arrived. Rumpelstiltskin, without an army, was forced to become mayor to gain power, and has since corrupted and bankrupted the city. They tell her that Red Riding Hood has a mirror fragment. Now, they must find Red before The Wolf leads her to Rumpelstiltskin or he will use the fragment to re-open the portal, bring his army of thralls into Los Angeles and take over the modern world.

Avengers Grimm is filled with plenty of fun twists if you’re willing to give this “mock”-buster a chance, so I won’t ruin it with a way-too-lengthy synopsis. However, I will say that the film leaves itself open for a sequel and I, for one, hope that it becomes The Asylum‘s newest franchise. Watch the trailer here …