“Yeah, but, he’s so ugly …”


This past summer, my daughter Gaby and I stopped at Menchie’s [above] for some frozen yogurt (obviously). We had just visited Barnes & Noble, next door, where I purchased a teen magazine, for Gaby, with a cover story on her favorite band, One Direction. She loves them. Actually, she loves Zayn.

“All the boy pop stars are so good looking!” she exclaimed, as she flipped through the pages. “Why is that?”

“Well, that’s how greedy record producers coerce naive teenage girls into downloading crappy music,” I explained. “A teenage girl is more likely to download a song if the boy pop star is good looking. In fact, the likelihood of that girl downloading the song is directly proportional to how good looking that boy is. And, that boy’s talent is inversely proportional  to his looks which means that if he’s really good looking, his music is really crappy. So, basically, all of today’s boy pop stars are really good looking.”

I thought that, in my head, but, all I actually said was, “That’s how they market pop music to teenage girls.”

“But, not all boy pop stars are good looking,” she said.

“Yeah? Like who?” I challenged.

“Justin Timberlake,” she retorted.

“Well, he’s kind of old,” I rationalized.

“Yeah, but, he’s so ugly …” she said, “… even you’re better looking than he is.”

“Wench,” I thought, in my head.


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