“Nuns, Guns & Gasoline …”

“This Time, The Body And Blood Will Be Yours!”

Convent-04BThe Convent (2000) is a fun little film! It’s a demonic horror/comedy similar to Night of the Demons (1988) and Night of the Demons 2 (1994), both awesome; but, not Night of the Demons 3 (1997), which is not so awesome. The Convent, directed by Mike Mendez and written by the very lovely Chaton Anderson (who also has a bit part as Satan-worshiper Sapphira), is brisk and brief, clocking in at just 81 minutes. But, that time is used amazingly well!

The film’s prologue alone kicks ass! In 1960, schoolgirl Christine (Oakley Stevenson) enters the St. Francis Boarding School for Girls with a duffle bag and a can of gasoline. She removes a baseball bat from her bag, and begins to swing at the nuns in prayer; then, she douses them in gasoline, sets them ablaze with the flick of her cigarette, and, finishes them off with blasts from a sawed-off shotgun!

Cut to 40 years later… A group of college students, which includes Clarissa (Joanna Canton), her Gothic ex-friend Monica (Megahn Perry), and her fraternity pledge younger brother Brant (Liam Kyle Sullivan), decide to break into the now condemned convent. But, a group of inept Satan worshipers, which includes Saul (David Gunn) and Dickie-Boy (Kelly Mantle), abduct and sacrifice Monica, unleashing the demon spirits of the nuns who were murdered in 1960, and who proceed to kill the teens, one by one. But, Clarissa escapes, and finds adult Christine (Adrienne Barbeau), now a foul-mouthed, motorcycle-riding badass. Christine and Clarissa, armed with major firepower, return to the convent to kill the nuns all over again, and save Brant.

If nothing else, this movie offers the best Adrienne Barbeau performance ever! She is perfect as adult Christine, and, looks as if she’s having a Hell of a time playing her! Pun intended. Oh, and Megahn Perry is awesome as Monica as well. Too bad she was the first to turn into a demon!

And, this movie has plenty of great lines …

“They fucking love virgins,” Christine tells Clarissa. “Goddamn demons! It’s always something with a virgin!”

“My brother’s gonna be the new anti-Christ?” Clarissa wonders after Christine tells her of the demons’ intentions. “Afraid so,” Christine concurs. “Mom’s gonna be pissed!” Clarissa adds.

“Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name,” Christine prays when her motorcycle won’t start. “Please start this fucking bike or we’re all gonna bite the big one!”

“OK, out of bullets?” Monica says to herself after Christine leaves to find more weapons. “Fucking crazy ass, ninja ass, psychotic fucking bitch! Okay.”

Finally, Clarissa and Brant make it out alive, the only survivors. They hop into Clarissa‘s car. “Do you wanna go to Denny’s?” Clarissa asks, solemnly. “No,” Brant replies. “You sure?” Clarissa reiterates.

Yeah, I love this movie! But, now I feel like having a Night of the Demons marathon! Of course, I’ll include the 2009 remake of the original. And, maybe I’ll throw on Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento‘s Demons (1985) and Demons 2 (1986)! Oh, what a night of demonic fun it will be!

Watch the trailer for The Convent here:

Mike Mendez‘ latest film is Big Ass Spider! (2013) in which Chaton Anderson plays “Girl With the Rack”. But, Anderson‘s latest film (in pre-production) is called Punk’s Undead with Kelly Mantle (who played Dickie-Boy in The Convent and is baseball great Mickey Mantle‘s nephew). She wrote and will direct the film.

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4 thoughts on ““Nuns, Guns & Gasoline …”

  1. Pingback: Gotham City’s Feline Fatale | My Heart Explodes

  2. Pingback: Una notte al cimitero (1987): Recensione | Plutonia Experiment

  3. Pingback: “Trick or treat, Motherf***ers.” | My Heart Explodes

  4. Pingback: The Convent « Girls, Guns & Zombies!

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