Lesbian Cops: The Movie [Blip TV/Youtube] is a web series written and directed by Firouz Farhang, and produced by Dane Reade, David Aslan, Aaron Burnett and Jessica Mathews for Pelican Boss Films. The series was intended to be a movie from which scenes were released “in installments to interest investors in helping finish the feature film in honor of [Farhang’s] grandmother who just came out of the closet on her 80th birthday.” Those installments are the first season of the web series. Or the plea is just a joke. I don’t know.
They’re lesbians. And they’re cops. Detective Tori Jones is paired with a new detective on the force – Rashida Thompson. They’re assigned to solve a brutal murder at Hamilton Elementary School. Lesbian Cops: The Movie is an action packed cop drama inspired by movies like Death Wish, Lethal Weapon, Bad Boys, Lethal Weapon 2, Death Wish 3, Bad Boys 2, Lethal Weapon 4, Death Wish 2, Lethal Weapon 3, and anything else that kicks ass!
Lesbian Cops: The Movie (The Web Series), obviously, is a send-up of buddy cop films. Gena Shaw [IMDb] plays Det. Tori Jones who is a loose cannon and a lesbian. Krystal Marshall [IMDb] plays Det. Rashida Thompson who is also a loose cannon and a lesbian. They’re forced to work together to solve a crime and, in the process, learn that they both “hate the drugs.” It’s your basic buddy cop formula; but, in Lesbian Cops: The Movie (The Web Series), the results are hysterically funny!
Part 1: “I hate the drugs!” [3:51]. After losing her third partner that week, Detective Tori Jones (Gena Shaw), a lesbian, is forced by Chief Higgins (William Thomas Jones) to work with new partner Detective Rashida Thompson (Krystal Marshall), a lesbian, to investigate a body found at Hamilton Elementary. Best lines …
“Die mother fucking cunts, die!” Det. Tori Jones shouts as she kicks open a door and blasts away at the drug dealers who just killed her rookie partner, Officer Casey (Casey Nelson).
“No! That’s where kids learn!” Det. Tori Jones exclaims after Chief Higgins tells her about a body they found down at Hamilton Elementary. “Yeah, I know,” Higgins concurs, sadly.
Part 2: “I like your style!” [5:18]. Jones and Thompson arrive at Hamilton Elementary and interview a witness, Ms. Virginia Cunderson (Suzanne Quast). She’s a school teacher. And a lesbian. Det. Frank T. Martin (Dane Reade) tells them that the murder victim is Sancho Gonzalez. Jones and Thompson chase down a perp. Best lines …
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the dykes on bikes,” Det. Frank T. Martin (Dane Reade) says as Jones and Thompson arrive at the scene. “We drove asshole!” Jones snaps.
“Don’t make me fuck your wife again!” Jones snaps at Det. Martin, after he makes a sarcastic comment about Sancho Gonzalez whom Jones thought she killed.
Part 3: “We’ve got solid evidence!” [5:56]. Jones and Thompson interrogate their perp, Dustin Brown (Shawn G Smith). He hints that Det. Martin might be a dirty cop. Chief Higgins suggest that Jones and Martin follow up with Virginia Cunderson who is the fifth cousin of Sancho Gonzalez twice removed. Best lines …
“You can’t do that!” Dustin complains, after Jones hits him. “Yes, we can! We’re the cops!” Thompson assures him. “And, we’re lesbians,” she adds.
“I’d be careful if I were you!” Chief Higgins warns Jones and Thompson in regards to accusing Det. Martin of being dirty. “Right now, you’re just a couple of clam snackers in an ocean full of dick!”
Part 4: “Not again!” [7:12]. After being seduced by Virginia Cunderson, Jones wakes up in bed with her and Thompson. Later, Jones and Thompson find Det. Martin making a deal with a known drug dealer. They split up, but Thompson gets herself kidnapped by the drug dealers. Best lines …
“I don’t want to have anything to do with you!” Jones tells Thompson, after they scuffle, and walks away. “Tell that to yourself last night!” Thompson retorts.
“Fuck you!” Jones snarls, aiming her weapon at Thompson after Thompson accuses her of getting to close. “Fuck me? You already did!” Thompson counters, aiming her weapon at Jones. “Fuck you!”
Part 5: “I need crazy!” [4:57]. Jones learns that Det. Martin was actually undercover, but Chief Higgins takes away his badge and gun because he can’t say that he hates “the drugs”. Higgins teams Jones with Officer Casey (Casey Nelson), Officer Casey’s twin brother. A call from the kidnappers leads them to an abandoned warehouse where, of course, Officer Casey gets killed. Best lines …
“You’re barking up the wrong tree, Robo-Dyke!” Det. Martin, who was actually undercover, snaps at Jones. “Whoa!” Jones and Chief Higgins respond in unison, taken aback by Martin’s comment. Then, they continue back-and-forth repeating “Whoa!” until, finally, Jones glares at Martin, “Am I?!” This might be might favorite scene! Oh, and also when Jones mocks Martin for stumbling on his words!
“You ready for some action?” Jones asks Officer Casey. “I was born re …” he begins. “Shut the fuck up!” Jones interrupts.
Part 6: “Why’s he beeping?” [7:06]. In the explosive first season finale, Jones rescues Thompson but walks into a trap on the rooftop. They kill all the hentchman, one by one (or two), but, are forced to dive for cover when they realize that one of the men is armed with explosives. When they get up, Jones and Thompson find themselves surrounded by the mastermind [Sancho Gonzalez?] and his heavily-armed thugs. Best lines …
“Too bad I’m a lesbian,” Thompson says, surprising a hentchman. “Cause your balls are mine!” she quips, shoots him in the balls, then blows his head off.
“Hello, lesbian cops,” the mastermind.
Bonus Episode: “Kickstart My Heart!” [3:16]. This episode is the Kickstarter pitch video for Lesbian Cops: The Movie – Season 2. The campaign was successfully funded in 2012. However, I’m not sure what happened to season two or the movie after that. I’m not even sure if Firouz Farhang is a real person. Anyway, I hope to see something more, someday!