“They call us Danger 5!”

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Danger 5 – Season 1: Jackson, Pierre, Claire, Ilsa, Tucker

Danger 5 is, quite possibly, the best TV series, like, ever! First, imagine if Quentin Tarantino‘s Inglourious Basterds (2009) was made by Gerry Anderson [Fireball XL5 (1962–63), Stingray (1964–65), Thunderbirds (1965–66), etc.] – without marionettes. That’s Season 1! Next, imagine every ’80s action movie and TV series ever made – with Adolf Hitler as a the main villain! That’s Season 2! Brilliant! I wanted to binge-watch something on Netflix over the weekend and this photo caught my eye …

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Claire and Ilsa in “I Danced for Hitler!”

I could not resist!

Danger 5 [Facebook] is an Australian action/comedy TV series created and written by Dario Russo (who directs) and David Ashby (who stars). Season 1 originally aired on SBS One, an Australian public television network, in 2012, while a series prequel episode aired on Youtube in 2011. Season 2 originally aired on SBS Two, a free-to-air digital multichannel, in 2015. Each episode runs 24-25 minutes. Danger 5 is produced by Russo and Ashby‘s Dinosaur Worldwide [Facebook/Youtube]. Russo and Ashby previously created the web series Italian Spiderman, a parody of Italian action/adventure films of the ’60s and ’70s.

Danger 5 is wonderfully bizarre and outrageously entertaining! I highly recommend this Australian TV series for fans of the American web series The Adventures of Super7even. Part of the fun of Danger 5 is that Season 1 is visually and conceptually different from Season 2. Both seasons share the same campy writing, intentionally bad effects (i.e., visible wires, cheap toys and models, 6th grade science class explosions, etc.), fake mustaches, characters with animal heads, indisputable historical accuracy, etc; but, each season parodies vastly different pop culture targets [’60s spy shows vs ’80s action films]. In addition, Season 2, in true ’80s fashion, gets ridiculously excessive with its hilarious spins on movie cliches which are thrown out at an exhilarating pace! If you’re part of my generation, Danger 5, especially Season 2, is like everything you’ve ever seen and nothing like you’ve ever seen – all at once!

Danger 5, in both seasons, follows the adventures of a group of 5 international spies whose mission is to kill Hitler and thwart his plans for the Nazis to take over the world. Jackson (co-creator David Ashby) is American. In Season 1, he is cool and laid-back, but also fearless. In Season 2, he is a loose-cannon police detective, like Riggs (Lethal Weapon) meets Crockett (Miami Vice). Tucker (Sean James Murphy) is Australian. In Season 1, he is virtuous and sensible. In Season 2, he snaps after Claire is killed. Pierre (Aldo Mignone), in Season 1, is European. He is a lover. He is often recognized by old friends who know him by other names, and he is often told the secret to various perfect cocktails by old friends who die in his arms. Pierre (Pacharo Mzembe), in Season 2, is African. He is a successful entrepreneur with over 1,000 hit singles. He resembles Tubbs (Miami Vice). Claire (Amanda Simons) is English. In Season 1, she is beautiful and virtuous. She is Tucker’s female counterpart. In Season 2, she is killed. Finally, Ilsa (Natasa Ristic) is Russian. She speaks in Russian (with subtitles) but everyone, friend or foe, understands her. She is cold, sexy and volatile in both seasons. She is Jackson’s female counterpart.

Ilsa, by the way, is my favorite character in Danger 5! Ilsa isn’t above sleeping with a Nazi for the mission, or anyone, save Jackson, for pleasure, much to Jackson’s dismay! Natasa Ristic, a Bosnian refugee, is so good as Ilsa – and so beautiful! She is such a delight to watch! I love the way she is able to express so much about Ilsa not by speaking but by grinning or smirking, with a glass of vodka in one hand and a lit cigarette nestled between the fingers of her other! Natasa Ristic is now my biggest crush!

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Natasa Ristic

Adolf Hitler (Carmine Russo) is Danger 5’s main nemesis. He is, well, Adolf Hitler – the Führer of Germany’s Third Reich. In Danger 5, much like in America’s own Hogan’s Heroes (1965-71), using Hitler as the main villain is not meant to belittle the Nazis’ atrocious war crimes. Hitler is simply the embodiment of pure evil. Hitler, in Danger 5, speaks German (with subtitles), of course, and everyone understands him. In fact, most of the foreign characters in Danger 5 speak in their native languages (with subtitles) – German, Russian, Italian, French, Japanese, etc.

Chestbridge aka The Colonel (Tilman Vogler) is Danger 5’s commander. He has an eagle’s head. He hates when Claire interrupts him. The Colonel is assassinated in Season 2. Other supporting characters, in Season 2, include Holly (Elizabeth Hay), an American high school senior who holds the key to Hitler’s world domination; McKenzie (Fumito Arai), Pierre’s lion-headed Japanese butler; and, Nikita Khruschev (Steve Parker), the leader of USSR-Land and Ilsa’s current husband.

Elizabeth Hay as Holly, by the way, is another delight! She plays three versions of Holly: (1) ditzy teen Holly; (2) Hitler Holly, a Terminator-like baddie possessed by Hitler’s ghost; and (3) Max Level Holly, a Sarah Connor-like heroine who is The Colonel’s Nazi test tube baby. The original Holly eventually becomes the 5th member Danger 5, replacing Claire who dies twice in Season 2. Hay, who resembles Reese Witherspoon, is fantastic as all of them!

Danger 5 – Season 1

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World War II. The Nazis are making their mark on Europe. Adolf Hitler wants to take the world and keep it… all for himself. Hitler’s days are numbered because Danger 5 are on the case. Scouring the furthest corners of the globe to unravel Hitler’s most sinister plans.

Season 1 is “set in a bizarre, 1960’s inspired version of World War II” and “jam packed with SEX, VIOLENCE, NAZIS and COCKTAILS!” Each episode follows a basic formula: Hitler’s diabolical plan is revealed in the prologue; Danger 5 relaxes at their secret HQ; the Colonel enters and informs them of Hitler’s latest plan; Claire interrupts; the Colonel shuts her up, gives Danger 5 their mission and reminds them to kill Hitler; Danger 5 travels to various exotic locales all over the world and, eventually, thwarts Hitler’s plan; Hitler escapes by dodging bullets and diving out a window; Danger 5 sighs. The episode ends with actor Michael Crisci (credited as “John Product”) giving a live-read for a fake product, followed by the episode’s cast celebrating with cocktails at a groovy “Mission Accomplished” party at Danger 5’s HQ. More running gags are peppered throughout.

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“The Diamond Girls”

S1:E0 – “The Diamond Girls”… Jackson, Tucker and Pierre are working undercover at a Nazi bar in order to kill Hitler. However, when Hitler arrives, he is accompanied by seemingly bulletproof Nazi women who thwart their attempt. Hitler, of course, escapes. Back at HQ, The Colonel introduces them to the team’s newest members, Claire and Ilsa. The ladies have discovered that the Nazis are going to steal the largest stockpile a rare black diamond known as carbonado. Danger 5’s first mission is to “stop the robbery.” They travel, first, to the World Bank in Switzerland, where the diamonds are kept, and stop the robbery. Next, they travel to Nassau, Bahamas where they find that Hermann Göring (Eddie Morrison) is crushing the carbonado into a potion that makes the Nazi women bulletproof. Tucker figures out that diamond-tipped bullets can stop them. Tucker kills Göring but, of course, Hitler escapes (by jumping from a speeding train).

Favorite scene(s): Jackson, posing as a dealer, taunts three Nazis with a card trick; Ilsa picks a fight with Jackson at HQ to prove herself; Ilsa shoots a female Nazi, locked in an airplane’s cabin – through a telephone!

Favorite line(s): “My God, there’s Nazis in the walls!” Jackson exclaims, after realizing that he and Tucker are being gassed in the bank vault!

“My God, this is a German airline!” Tucker exclaims, after realizing that the in-flight television has too many programs about corrupt [German shepherd] police dogs!

Running gags: John Product plugs Stallion fine playing cards.

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“I Danced for Hitler!”

S1:E1 – “I Danced for Hitler!”… The Nazis steal the Eiffel Tower with Nazi zeppelins. The Colonel believes that the caper was executed by Hitler’s propaganda wizard, Josef Goebbels (Craig Behenna). Danger 5’s mission is to “find out what the hell the Nazis want with the tower, where they’re taking it, and get it back. And of course, as always, kill Hitler.” They travel to Paris where they find an all-female resistance force led by Pierre’s old friend Rene (Michael Crisci). Pierre’s ex-lover Celeste (Susanna Dekker) is a member of Rene’s fighters. The girls, including Claire and Ilsa, are detained by the Nazis to be used as the dance group for Hitler’s birthday party being organized by Goebbels. Hitler becomes smitten with Clair. Meanwhile, Jackson chooses to stop the Nazis from stealing the Statue of Liberty while Tucker, Pierre and Ilsa set out to rescue Claire and Celeste, and kill Hitler. However, Celeste turns out to be a traitor and Pierre is forced to kill her. Hitler kills Goebbels, and escapes.

Favorite scene(s): Ilsa becomes jealous of Claire because Hitler finds her attractive: Ilsa distracts Goebbels.

Favorite line(s): “My God, it’s Hitler’s dog!” a German shepherd declares, before being gassed by Jackson’s robot dog. “My God, it’s Hitler’s dog!” a Nazi declares, later, before the robot dog explodes.

“Turns out, this little mouse is actually a rat,” Tucker informs Claire about Celeste.

Running gags: Rene and Celeste know Pierre as Marcel. Rene tells Pierre how to make the perfect Fruit Madrid, and Celeste tells him how to make the perfect Heil Hitler. John Product plugs Muchacho breath mints.

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“Lizard Soldiers of the Third Reich”

S1:E2 – “Lizard Soldiers of the Third Reich”… A Nazi dinosaur eats an American soldier, and more Nazi dinosaurs are popping up all over Europe. Danger 5’s mission is to “find out where the hell Hitler is getting these things from and put a stop to it. Oh, yes, and of course, kill Hitler.” They travel, first, to Belgium where they find a weaponized Triceratops and a randy Nazi Pteranodon. Claire discovers that the Nazis are controlling the dinosaurs with crystals that come from Antarctica. They fly to the continent but crash land on lush plateau inhabited by dinosaurs. Jackson, Claire and Ilsa meet the Reich’s scientist extraordinaire Josef Mengele (Robert Tompkins) who takes them to his secret volcano lair where he has been creating Nazi dinosaur minions. Mengele becomes smitten with Claire, and forces Jackson and Ilsa to fight dinosaur gladiators in an arena. Later, Mengele pits Jackson against Ilsa, under his control, to honor Hitler’s presence. Meanwhile, Tucker and Pierre have been captured by a race of Amazon women who force them to convince their mortal enemies, a race of jazz-loving ape men led by Donald (Dario Russo) and Walter (David Ashby), to help the Amazons kill Josef Mengele. “They’re going to put music in a camp,” Pierre tells them, and they’re in. Tucker, Pierre, the ape men and the Amazons storm Mengele’s volcano lair, and rescue Claire, Jackson and Ilsa. The Nazi dinosaur minions tear Mengele apart, and Hitler escapes.

Best episode of Season 1! The stop-motion dinosaurs are awesome! They’re like the stop-motion dinosaurs in Sid & Marty Krofft‘s Land of the Lost TV series (1974-76)! Donald and Walter are hysterical, too, with all their hepcat jazz lingo! I would watch a spin-off series with Donald and Walter!

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“Lizard Soldiers of the Third Reich”

Favorite scene(s): A weaponized Triceratops marches through the streets of Belgium; a Tyrannosaurus Rex attacks Jackson and Ilsa; Pierre’s crazy bongo beats impress Donald and Walter – and arouse Tucker!

Favorite line(s): “At 0800 hours this morning, an American soldier was eaten by a Nazi dinosaur,” the Colonel tells Danger 5 as a picture of the dinosaur is displayed. “That’s a Tyrannosaurus Rex,” Claire interrupts. “No, Claire, that’s a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Try thinking first before you open your mouth,” the Colonel retorts.

“And I always thought I’d die of alcohol poisoning,” Ilsa tells Jackson, fearing that the Tyrannosaurs Rex is about to eat them. “There’s still time,” Jackson replies, grabbing a glass and a bottle of vodka.

“Hey, buddy, we’re mixin’ up the medicine here!” Walter yells, after Tucker interrupts him and Donald as they discuss how they’re going to play the next song in their set.

“If only I’d had the nerve to sleep with Mengele, he wouldn’t have put that thing in your head,” Claire says, apologizing to Ilsa for not stopping Mengele from controlling and forcing her to fight Jackson. “All you had to do was sleep with him?!” Ilsa snarls, then attempts to strangle Claire.

Running gags: Donald, shot by a dinosaur minion, tells Pierre how to make the perfect Carlos Sultana. John Product plugs the Mazzerucci utility guitar.

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“Kill-Men of the Rising Sun”

S1:E3 – “Kill-Men of the Rising Sun”… Allied Air Support surrounding China is facing Japanese zeros piloted by unstoppable Japanese robot super-soldiers. In addition, Japan has completely disappeared. Danger 5’s mission is to “capture one of these super-soldiers and find out what makes them work. Then, try and find the new location of Japan.” Of course, since “the Nazis are no doubt involved” their main objective, as always, “kill Hitler.” The Danger 5 team set off in their Danger 5 fighter planes but are quickly shot down by the Japanese zeros. Tucker and Ilsa find themselves in a spa in Japan where Emperor Hirohito (Paul Muscat) is creating Japanese robot super-soldiers by brainwashing downed Allied pilots. Hitler plans to use the robot super-soldiers to force Stalin (Greg Marsh) to activate a doomsday device. Meanwhile, Pierre, Jackson and Claire find themselves in Burma with Pierre’s old friend Hans Chang (Dario Russo), an opium dealer. Claire learns that Chang is delivering opium to Japan and is forced to kill him. Claire, Jackson and Tucker then fly to mobile Japan where they are captured by Tucker and Ilsa who have been turned into Japanese robot super-soldiers. Hirohito, grieving the death of his wife, commits seppe-ku. Claire, eventually, deprograms the robot super-soldiers with Hirohito’s code. Hitler, of course, escapes.

Favorite scene(s): Ilsa, who doesn’t understand Japanese, blows her cover by choosing the wrong massage oil; Ilsa mocks Claire after Claire belittles her; Ilsa lights Jackson’s cigarette as a sort of apology for almost killing him when she was a Japanese robot super-soldier.

Favorite line(s): “Ming Ling is my Seoul mate…” Pierre tells Jackson, “…like Seoul in Korea, get it?”

Running gags: Hans Chang knows Pierre as Glen. Ming Ling (Tran Nguyen), one of Chang’s girls, tells Pierre how to make the perfect Chinese Whisper. John Product plugs Tanaka paperweights.

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“Hitler’s Golden Murder Palace”

S1:E4 – “Hitler’s Golden Murder Palace”… The Nazis have occupied a Moroccan city called Waheed al Quarn where Hitler has taken up residence in the casino. In additon, one of Allied Command’s top agents code-named Gruber (John Blaney) has completely disappeared. Danger 5’s mission is “to get into that casino and find Gruber, but above all, kill Hitler.” They travel to North Africa where they also find an Italian submarine in the bay. Claire and Tucker set off to take out the submarine, while Jackson, Ilsa and Pierre go to the casino to kill Hitler. Ilsa runs into her ex-husband Erwin Rommel (Brendan Rock), the Desert Fox, much to Jackson’s dismay. Pierre learns that Hitler and Rommel are using the casino’s bullion winnings to rearm the entire German army with superior golden weapons – made if gold. Hitler is also killing off any successful gamblers, like top agent Gruber, with a private death game and Jackson, posing as John Baccarat, has been invited to one. Claire and Tucker return with some coffee-loving Italian sailors but, of course, Hitler escapes. Rommel is blown up in a golden tank.

Favorite scene(s): Ilsa spitefully pushes Jackson’s drink off the table at HQ; Ilsa wearing a black cocktail dress; Claire jumping off the Italian submarine and getting all wet!

Favorite line(s):  “What’s that on your shoulder, Claire?” the Colonel asks, after Claire interrupts him. “Nothing,” Claire replies. “Yes, spot on. Nothing,” the Colonel retorts.

“What we need to do is walk in that casino, find Hitler, and blow his face off his head bone,” Jackson suggests, in lieu of taking out the Italian submarine.

“Oh great, Italians,” Tucker sighs, as the Italian sailors enter a bar. “Oh great, Italians,” he sighs, again, after he and Claire are ambushed as they sneak onto the submarine.

“I’m bangin’ her, Rommel,” Jackson declares, three times, to force Rommel into releasing Ilsa whom he is holding at gunpoint, while Pierre holds Hitler.

Running gags: Pierre is told how to make the perfect Fruit’n’Khamun by his old “friend” Jinko (Bobak Bahrami), an assassin, who knows him as Sharif. John Product plugs the Mazzerucci Shaveissimo.

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“Fresh Meat for Hitler’s Sex Kitchen”

S1:E5 – “Fresh Meat for Hitler’s Sex Kitchen”… Allied forces across Europe have suddenly been defecting to the Nazis, including Field Marshal Jenkins’ entire platoon. Danger 5’s mission is “to get Jenkins back onto home soil, find out what’s making our men defect to the Nazis, and kill Hitler!” They meet Jenkins (Bluey Byrne) on a train but he suddenly turns Nazi and Tucker, Pierre and Claire are forced to kill him. Jackson and Ilsa are forced to kill Reinhard Heydrich (Tim Overton), a Nazi jewel thief, and are kidnapped by his friend Heinrich Himmler (Ben Finn), taken to Doldinger Castle in Switzerland and tortured. Meanwhile, Swiss hooker Gwendoline (Caitlin McReanor), whose sister was killed by Himmler, leads Pierre, Tucker and Claire to the Palomino, a brothel in Switzerland, to find Jackson and Ilsa. Claire learns that the Palomino is filled with Nazi hookers who spread the sexually-transmitted Nazi virus, and that Hitler is creating the Nazi hookers at Doldinger Castle. Claire, Tucker, Pierre and Gwendolyn rush to the castle. Ilsa, who is turning Nazi because she had sex with boxer Conrad Turbo (Michael Crisci) in the castle’s dungeon, kills Gwendolyn. However, her Swiss blood undoes the Nazi virus. Hitler, of course, escapes.

Second best episode of Season 1! Ilsa looks fantastic in her period appropriate undergarments!

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“Fresh Meat for Hitler’s Sex Kitchen”

Favorite scene(s): The Colonel flashes a light in Claire’s eyes to shut her up; Tucker has a lengthy fight with tiger-headed Gordon (David Ashby), who runs the entertainment at the Palomino.

Favorite line(s):  “One of them looks American, the other looks volatile,” Tucker says, describing Jackson and Ilsa to Gwendolyn.

“You hit a woman,” a Nazi hooker sent to give Jackson the Nazi virus in the castle’s dungeon says after he punches her in the face. “I hit a Nazi!” he retorts.

“Do you know who that was?” Ilsa says, after Jackson finds her having sex with Conrad Turbo and is forced to kill him when he raises his fists. Earlier, at HQ, Ilsa pointed out a newspaper article about Turbo and said, “I don’t even like boxing, but I’d go two rounds with him!”

“You disgust me,” Jackson tells Ilsa after he finds her having sex with Turbo.

Running gags: Gwendolyn tells Pierre, with whom she was sharing a budding romance, how to make the perfect Swiss Kiss. John Product plugs the King of Biscuits.

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“Final Victory”

S1:E6 – “Final Victory”… Major Allied cities have come under attack by giant Nazi monsters and conventional weapons can’t stop them. Allied command was almost ready to surrender until Gibraltar (Peter Raymond Powell), a man from the lost city of Atlantis, contacted them about a weapon the Atlanteans have developed that can stop the Nazi monsters. They just need some refined uranium to power it. Danger 5’s mission is “to take the uranium to Atlantis, use the weapon to destroy the Nazi monsters, and for the love of God, damn well kill Hitler!” They travel to Atlantis in the Danger 5 submarine and see Gibraltar’s weapon, a giant fighting machine. However, they soon realize that Gibraltar is actually working with Hitler. Hitler plans to use the robot, piloted by Danger 5 clones created by Gibraltar, to take over the world and defame the Danger 5 team. Chaos ensues, and the team kills their clones, as well as Hitler himself, at last. They return to the surface and use the giant robot to defeat the Nazi monsters but, then, a giant Nazi robot, piloted by Hitler, shows up. “Oh, no… we killed Hitler’s clone!” Claire realizes. They eventually defeat the Nazi robot and, presumably, kill the real Hitler. The President of the World, Signor Massimiliano Importante (Richard Harris), honors them at HQ.

Favorite scene(s): Claire is attacked by a shark while trying to spear a giant crab after losing a bet; giant robot vs giant Nazi monsters vs giant Nazi robot battle!

Favorite line(s): After Claire interrupts the Colonel, he fires a shotgun into the ceiling, then points it at her. “Close… your… mouth,” he snarls.

“You know, you’re much more attractive than Claire,” Jackson tells Ilsa in her dream. “You don’t need to tell me the obvious,” she quips. “This is a stupid dream, go away!” she adds.

“So… Why shouldn’t I kill you?” Jackson asks Ilsa’s clone to determine if she’s the real Ilsa. “So we can be together for ever,” she smiles. Jackson shoots her in the head. “Too easy,” he quips, as the real Ilsa walks over to him. “So, what was your answer?” he asks. “Does it really matter, Jackson?” she grins, and …

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“Final Victory”

Running gags: Pierre is told how to make the perfect Beyond Chunderdome by Kilroy, Pierre’s animated talking dog! John Product plugs Moreno pre-lit matches!

In the fun Season 1 finale, creators Dario Russo and David Ashby mixed in influences from the Japanese live-action TV series Ultraman (1966-65). I loved that show as a kid! Well, that show and Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot (1967-68)! Russo and Ashby, apparently, loved all the shows I loved as kid!

Watch the Danger 5 Season 1 trailer here …

Danger 5 – Season 2

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Last time, it was war. But, this time… it’s personal. This Christmas, Adolf Hitler… is back. All he wants is a date with world domination. But there’s five things he didn’t count on… Danger 5 things. If Danger 5 were gonna kill Hitler, they’ve got to get back in business… back in shape… back on the team… back in action… and back in time! This is gonna be a rough Christmas for Danger 5.

Season 2 is set in “a 1980s excess-soaked universe of neon, ninjas, discos, dinosaurs, pizza and prom-queens!” The biggest difference between Season 1 and Season 2, other than the obvious, is that Season 2 is more linear, playing like a mini-series with an overreaching story arc; whereas Season 1 played more like a series of stand-alone episodes. Season 2 doesn’t follow a formula like Season 1, but it does have some running gags. Each episode opens with a “Previously on Danger 5…” summary in which one of the scenes shown wasn’t actually in the previous episode; and ends with a fake advertisement for episode-related toys made by Tamico Toys.

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“Merry Christmas Colonel”

S2:E1 – “Merry Christmas Colonel”… In London, England, at Christmas, Colonel Chestbridge is gunned down by Hitler, disguised as a department store Santa, and wolf-headed Nazi war criminal Otto Skorzeny. “Danger 5 will hunt you down, you motherfu…” he snarls, before the Führer and the Nazi ninja blast him with their automatic weapons. After thwarting attempts on their lives as well, newlyweds Tucker and Claire, Jackson and Pierre reunite, sans Ilsa, at a video store. Jackson informs them that Skorzeny moved to Argentina and changed his name to Carlos Mendez. In Buenos Aires, Tucker and Claire meet up with Hitler but they don’t recognize him. Hitler becomes inflamed when Tucker lies about having “pleased” his wife. Meanwhile, Jackson and Pierre, are captured and tortured by Carlos Mendez after Jackson kills Pierre’s old friend Peron (who knows Pierre as Lalo) to find Mendez. Ilsa, working as a spy for Nikita and posing as Mendez’s girlfriend, learns that Hitler is targeting a female high school senior in the U.S. She is told to blow up Hitler’s luxury yacht but, first, helps Jackson and Pierre escape. Jackson gouges out Mendez’s eyes; but Mendez replaces them with rubys, then the wolf-headed Nazi ninja severs Claire’s head with his samurai sword. Hitler, of course escapes, with Mendez.

Obvious ’80s targets include Miami Vice (1984-89), Lethal Weapon (1987) and Scarface (1983).

Favorite scene(s): Tucker and Claire face giant weaponized prawns at their wedding reception; Jackson faces an assassin hiding in a Russian escort’s vagina; Pierre “chats” with Carlos Mendez’s hentchman; Ilsa wears a black leather skirt at Claire’s grave!

Favorite line(s): “Ilsa can’t die!” Jackson snarls, after Tucker suggests that Mendez may have killed her.

“Ah! Babes, boobs, blow …” Pierre says, as he and Jackson sit back in Buenos Aires.

“Shhh! You’ll wake it!” Pierre, facing Peron’s sleeping leopard, warns Jackson.

“You wanna get lit?!” Ilsa warns a dancer who mocked her, after Ilsa flicked a cigarette at another dancer’s face and knocked her over.

“Hitler does wear hats! Doh!” Tucker exclaims after realizing that their tour guide, Father Hitler, is Hitler – even though he’s only wearing a hat! “He’s a master of disguise, Tucker!” Pierre concurs.

Running gags: The ending fake advertisement is for the Adolf Hitler Action Set!

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“Johnny Hitler”

S2:E2 – “Johnny Hitler”… Jackson, Ilsa, Pierre and Tucker (who keeps Claire’s severed head) go undercover at an American high school where Hitler is disguised as a student, Johnny Hitler. He has his eyes set on senior Holly de Palma who looks very much like Claire. However, Tucker breaks down over Claire and asks McKenzie to train him to be a ninja to avenge her death; Pierre is recognized by the student body; Jackson is sent to detention for pulling a gun on Johnny Hitler then faces off against samurai sword-wielding, swastika-throwing ninja Carlos Mendez; and Ilsa is told by Nikita to find Holly de Palma before Hitler does but she wants to avenge Claire first. Meanwhile, Johnny Hitler challenges Famous Pierre to lunch ball and wins. He becomes the coolest kid on campus and Holly asks him to the Christmas dance. However, when Famous Pierre and Lisa Lopez (aka Ilsa) are voted the King and Queen of Christmas, Johnny Hitler snaps and goes on a bloody rampage, while Pierre and Ilsa whisk Holly away. Tucker fights Nazi ninja Carlos Mendez and severs his wolf’s head, avenging Claire and rescuing Jackson. Hitler shows up at the high school, post-massacre, and blames Danger 5. “Who the hell are you?” a police captain demands. “Agent Hitler, FBI,” he says, flashing a badge.

Obvious ’80s targets include teen comedies and slasher films.

Favorite scene(s): Ilsa smokes a cigarette in the shower; Ilsa, in the ladies’ room, attempts to shoot Hitler, in the men’s room, through the toilets; Mendez uses his samurai sword to deflect Jackson’s bullets; Hitler shoots Holly’s parents then tosses a live grenade to her little brother and the house explodes as they leave for the dance; Hitler kills a girl in the locker room shower with a shark (providing gore and gratuitous nudity)!

Favorite line(s): “Hey! Get a room and have… sex in it!” Holly, trying to be witty, tells Stacey and Corey who are making out in the school hallway.

“Michael Crisci?” Holly’s friend Michelle suggest as a possible date for the Christmas dance. “Perv,” Holly retorts.

“He looks like an old Italian dude pretending to be an even older German dude!” Michelle tells Holly, after Holly asks her what she thinks about Johnny Hitler. I love the in-jokes (like the previous line, too)!

“They’re dicks!” Jackson tells the school Principal (Shaun Micallef) after he assumes that Jackson drew flowers on the chalk board during his detention. Shaun Micallef, apparently, is a big deal in Australia.

“But he’s my date,” Holly tells Pierre and Holly after Pierre tells her that Johnny Hitler is actually Adolf Hitler and that he wants to kill her.

“Suck a stiffy, Mendez,” Tucker says, before severing Mendez’s head.

Running gags: In the opening “Previously on Danger 5” outtake, Pierre scolds his pet goldfish for running away; the ending fake advertisement is for the Baby Hitler!

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“Revenge of the Lizardmen”

S2:E3 – “Revenge of the Lizardmen”… In Metro City, where Jackson worked as a police detective, Danger 5 is being hunted by law enforcement, led by Captain Bramman, after FBI Agent Hitler accuses the team of kidnapping high school senior Holly de Palma. The overworked police force is given military-grade stamina pills by none other than FBI Agent Mengele (Robert Tompkins). Tucker takes Holly to Bramwell’s department store where he sets up a trap for Hitler’s team, and kills them one by one. Meanwhile, the MCPD raids Pierre’s birthday party and arrests Pierre, Jackson and Ilsa. They’re taken to the police station where Captain Bramman uses Jackson as a target in the shooting range. Ilsa kills Mengele with her shoe gun, but releases Mr. Pedro, a Quatto-like parasitic dinosaur. Mr. Pedro wants to kill Hitler to end his reign as leader of the Fourth Reich. Ilsa is attacked by a Tyrannosaurus Rex; and, soon, the police force begins turning into Mr. Pedro’s dinosaur minions as  result of Mengele’s pills. Mr. Pedro abducts Hitler and escapes after a high speed chase with Danger 5. Holly is shot and killed by the dinosaur minions but mysteriously comes back to life! Jackson finds Mengele’s fake ID leading Danger 5 to believe that Hitler is being taken to the Vatican City.

Second best episode of Season 2! My favorite scene is when Ilsa is attacked by the Tyrannosaurus Rex in the police station! Trapped in the interrogation room, she crashes through a wall and the T-Rex chases her! The dinosaur puppet costume is awesome! It’s like this one (here)! This episode is delightfully good! Obvious ’80s targets include Predator (1987) and Total Recall (1990).

Other favorite scenes: Tucker asks a stripper to dance for him while she’s holding Claire’s severed head; Ilsa assembles her shoes into a gun; Tucker kills a female tactical officer with a lawn mower to the face!

Favorite line(s): “Agh! You’re not my baby, Hitler!” Tucker shouts after imagining Claire giving birth to the Führer.

“Slam-dunk-a-saurus!” Jackson quips, John McClane-style, after killing a dinosaur.

“Kiss me, Tucker! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!” Holly says, as she teases Tucker with Claire’s severed head.

“She took that like a a champ,” Jackson observes, after Holly is thrown by the Battle-Saurus onto the hood of Danger 5’s vehicle during a high-speed chase.

“Holly came back to life,” Tucker says, frustrated. “Why didn’t my Claire come back to life, huh?”

“Yay for dino damage!” Holly says, excited, after realizing that her torn jacket is “totally Euro-chic!” Have I mentioned how awesome Holly de Palma is?!

Running gags: In the opening “Previously on Danger 5” outtake, Pierre finally finishes the dishes; the ending fake advertisement is for an assortment of action figures, all sold separately: Vacation Pierre, Rock ‘n’ Roll Mengele, Deluxe Nazi-Saurus with sonar exoskeleton attachment, Evolution Chamber, Battle-Saurus, and Rapid Fire!

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“Un Sacco Di Natale (A Sack of Christmas)”

S2:E4 – “Un Sacco Di Natale (A Sack of Christmas)”… In the Vatican City, during the 81st Christmas Disco Mass, Mr. Pedro and a cult of surviving Nazi war criminals (Martin Bormann, Adolf Eichmann, etc.) disguised as masked priests hold Hitler captive with plans to take over the Reich. Hitler claims that Holly is the key to world domination, but the cult believes that religion is the key. They lock Hitler in a coffin filled with toxic ooze and set their sights on taking over the Catholic Church. Pierre, having a crisis of faith, takes it upon himself to save Christmas from the Nazi cult. Back at Pierre’s mansion in Italy, McKenzie learns that Holly really is invincible, while Tucker, still reeling over Claire’s death, gets lost in a hallucination. McKenzie must enter Tucker’s mind to rescue him. Meanwhile, Ilsa’s ex-husband Rommel confronts Ilsa and Jackson. Rommel has become a woman to make Ilsa feel the pain of losing a lover to another man by having sex with her lover John Baccarat (aka Jackson). Then, Rommel invokes an Egyptian goddess and becomes a cow who hooves Jackson before Ilsa becomes a vampire and kills Rommel! Pierre saves the Pope from being injected with Nazi syrup, but the cult has replaced him with a marionette whose strings are being pulled by Bormann. The real Pope kills Bormann, Nikita Kruschev kidnaps Holly, McKenzie saves Tucker, and Danger 5 kills Hitler, at last, sending him to Hell. However, in Hell, Hitler kills the Devil!

Obvious ’80s targets include Die Hard (1988), The Lost Boys (1987) and Dreamscape (1984) [or Inception (2010) if you prefer].

Favorite scene: Ilsa becomes a vampire to save Jackson …

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“Un Sacco Di Natale (A Sack of Christmas)”

Other favorite scene(s): McKenzie suddenly has lion paws when he needs to open a door after Tucker locks himself in a room with Pierre’s ‘cheer-up movies’; Tucker contemplates using Claire’s head for sexual pleasure; Pierre, disguised as White Death, thinks he’s using his inner monologue; Rommel, as a woman, rapes Jackson, then becomes a cow and hooves him!

Favorite line(s): “Thanks, bullets,” Pierre says, after shooting White Death, a Nazi priest, through an elevator door.

“An equilateral cross with four right angles?” an Italian wonders, after the new swastika cross is revealed.

“I had forced congress with a dude who looked like a chick and then turned into a cow and hooved the shit out of me and on top of all that, I’m in the zone?!” Jackson snarls, wondering why Ilsa, who told Rommel she and Jackson were just friends, didn’t become a vampire sooner!

Running gags: In the opening “Previously on Danger 5” outtake, Pierre is given the recipe for a perfect soup; the ending fake advertisement is for the Pizzeria McKenzie Deluxe!

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“Super Dead”

S2:E5 – “Super Dead”… In Berlin, West Germany, Danger 5 is celebrating Hitler’s death at a concert, with Hitler’s body on stage. However, Hitler suddenly returns from the dead as a zombie with a horde of Nazi zombies. “Come to me, Rock Wolf,” he chants, and a guitar rises from a grave. “The Nazicaster!” Pierre worries. “He’ll rip us all to shreds!” he adds. Zombie Hitler strums a chord which blasts a hole through the Berlin Wall into USSR-land, a Communist amusement park. “I’m coming for you, Holly!” he declares. Nikita Kruschev gives up Holly after Zombie Hitler explodes a girl’s head with a Rock Wolf chord. Meanwhile, Danger 5 follows Zombie Hitler into USSR-Land in the Danger 5 helicopter. Ilsa is angry that her husband Nikita betrayed her by choosing Holly as his princess and wants to kill him. Jackson decides to punish Nikita for Ilsa and jumps from aircraft before Nikita shoots it down. Pierre, McKenzie and Tucker (with Claire’s head) kill Zombie Hitler, save Holly, then take refuge from the Nazi zombies in a gift shop. Claire’s head, after being bitten by a Nazi zombie, becomes a zombie and bites McKenzie, while Hitler’s essence possesses a stuffed bear. Nikita tortures Jackson but is saved with the ball [re-watch episode S2:E3]. After defeating Nikita’s Soviet dance witches, Jackson confronts Nikita, again, but Ilsa arrives and makes Nikita’s face melt by having sex with him in front of Jackson. Pierre plays McKenzie out with his saxophone. Tucker wins the Hitler stuffed bear for Holly and, after a rollercoaster chase, Hitler’s ghost possesses her. “Onward to final victory!” Hitler Holly chants, and disappears on a coaster car like a DeLorean doing 88 mph! Pierre believes that Hitler Holly is messing with the space-time continuum. “Quickly, friends! Take a drink. We’re going back in time,” he tells Tucker, Jackson and Ilsa. They do, and disappear, too!

Best episode of Season 2 (if not the entire series)! It’s (partly) an homage to ’80s rock ‘n’ roll horror movies, like my personal favorite Trick Or Treat (1986)! However, with Danger 5‘s over-the-top MO, it’s also very much like Japan’s Wild Zero with noise/punk trio Guitar Wolf! Other obvious ’80s targets include David Cronenberg‘s Scanners (1981), Child’s Play (1988) and Back to the Future (1985). Obvious non-’80s target: Zombieland (2009).

Favorite scene(s): The Nazicaster breaks down the Berlin Wall; The Nazicaster explodes a Russian girl’s head; Ilsa gets trapped in a machine claw game; a Russian child is frightened by USSR-Land’s “American House of Horrors” exhibit; McKenzie explodes Zombie Hitler’s head; Holly drools over shirtless McKenzie; and so many more!

Favorite line(s): “Well, I’m glad you recycle,” Tucker tells Ilsa, after she places his hand on her ass and tells him that she can crush cans with her cheeks.

“Of all my kidnappers, you’re the best, Niki! Russia rocks!” Holly tells Nikita, after he tells her that she has unlimited access to all the games and amusements of USSR-Land.

“Holly dies and comes back to life. Hitler dies and comes back to life. Why is Claire the only one who won’t come back to life?” Tucker whines.

“It’s the music. It’s not blocking out the communism,” Jackson tells Pierre, as they enter USSR-Land airspace.

“We did it! We killed Hitler! Again! And again!” Pierre proclaims, excited.

“And there’s no goddamn extra medium!” Holly snarls, perusing USSR-Land clothes.

“What time is it, Kruschev?” Jackson demands, but Nikita is puzzled. “Die time.”

Running gags: In the opening “Previously on Danger 5” outtake, Danger 5 exercises; the ending fake advertisement is for the Rock Wolf and the Maximum Overdrive pedal!

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“Back to the Führer”

S2:E6 – “Back to the Führer”… Hitler Holly goes back in time, 18 years, to World War II where, on the battlefield in Austria on Christmas Eve, she declares, “Time to rewrite history!” Danger 5 arrives shortly after, facing some Nazi soldiers. Pierre warns Tucker, Jackson and Ilsa that they can’t shoot Nazis because anything they alter in the past can change the future. They shoot the Nazis anyway. Future Tucker takes off to be with past Claire and eliminate past Tucker. Future Pierre chases after future Tucker but runs into past Pierre and decides to party with him. Meanwhile, past Danger 5 is on a mission to rescue The Colonel from Hitler who is holding him captive in his Dog Mountain lair. Hitler has been attempting to become invincible by sucking the essence from young Aryan via Das Essence Sucking Machine, but none is pure enough. Future Jackson and future Ilsa meet past Jackson and past Ilsa. Future Jackson tries to convince past Jackson to make his move on past Ilsa, but past Ilsa has her eyes on future Jackson. Eventually, past and future Danger 5 decide to work together to stop Hitler Holly from changing the future. However, Hitler Holly confronts original Hitler and allows him to suck out her pure essence thus gaining ultimate invincibility power. Hitler kills past Danger 5 but Holly turns his essence sucking machine on him, the Colonel shoots him, and future Danger 5 blows up Hitler’s Dog Mountain lair. They assume Hitler’s dead and travel back to the future only to find themselves in an alternate Nazi timeline!

Obvious ’80s targets include The Terminator (1984) and Back to the Future (1985).

OK, first, Hitler Holly is awesome – in a T-800 kind of way! She’s Holly in a Nazi uniform, sunglasses and a Hitler mustache; but, she’s bad-ass! Second, my favorite scene is kind of a weird choice. Future Tucker holds past Claire, after newly invincible Hitler kills past Danger 5. “I’m so sorry, Claire,” Tucker says. “I suppose this means… I’m just not meant to have you,” he adds, in tears. These lines are delivered straight and, if taken out of context, you’d think it was from a drama. It’s an oddly touching moment amidst Danger 5‘s outrageous insanity.

Other favorite scene(s): Hitler Holly decimates the Italians; Nazis play musical chairs; Hitler Holly attempts to kill past Danger 5; Hitler Holly drives a tank through a brick wall to kill Jackson and Ilsa; original Hitler tries to kiss Hitler Holly – “I am you!” she reminds him!

Favorite line(s): “That little girl looks and sounds like Hitler,” past Tucker observes, upon seeing Hitler Holly.

“Why would Hitler be keeping the Colonel in this… romantic bedroom?” past Claire wonders, oblivious to future Tucker’s motives.

“Not so fast, Johnny! I’m putting you in detention!” teen Holly quips, as she turns Hitler’s essence sucking machine on him.

“Nice work, you migrant!” the Colonel says to future Pierre.

“Adolf Dead-ler,” Tucker quips, upon assuming that Hitler is dead.

Running gags: In the opening “Previously on Danger 5” outtake, Pierre shoots a hotdog vendor; the ending fake advertisement is for Das Führer, the board game!

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“Welcome to Hitlerland”

S2:E7 – “Welcome to Hitlerland”… In Hitlerland, an alternate Nazi future, Danger 5 meets invincible Boss Hitler, the supreme ruler of the universe. Boss Hitler shoots Holly’s arm off, and kills Pierre. Jackson surrenders, but Ilsa kills Jackson, then herself. Finally, Boss Hitler crushes Claire’s head and kills Tucker. He brings them all back to life on his spaceship but Tucker is unable to see, Jackson is unable to use his hands, Pierre speaks only in German (which the others can’t understand even though they understand Hitler when he speaks!), Ilsa is unable to hear, and Holly has a bionic arm. They escape but are soon rescued by Max Level Holly. She explains …

After the fall of Dog Mountain, in World War II, Hitler survived, charged with Holly’s invincibility power and became Boss Hitler. Meanwhile, The Colonel swallowed an embryo while digging for worms. Boss Hitler won the war and cast the Allied Nations into space. And The Colonel took exile in Danger Manor where he hatched me, raised me and trained me to become the ultimate Danger Warrior. Danger 1.

Max Level Holly is a Nazi test tube baby bearing the birthmark of Hitler on her neck, like original Holly. Max Level Holly was awaiting the return of Danger 5 to defeat Boss Hitler. However, original Holly’s bionic arm, under Boss Hitler’s control, suddenly explodes Max Level Holly’s head. Pierre and Jackson are kidnapped by Boss Hitler’s hentchmen Rewind and Megabite and held captive in an ’80s sitcom called Hitler’s Haus. Meanwhile, Ilsa summons the three warriors of the USSR, including a talking pelican named Greg, but all are killed. Eventually, The Colonel gives Tucker, Pierre, Jackson, Ilsa, and himself five rings charged with the power of God. However, after Boss Hitler shoots The Colonel’s hands off, Holly becomes the 5th member of a Power Rangers-like Danger 5 team. They destroy Boss Hitler’s armor with the Danger Cannon, and send Hitler into space!

Obvious ’80s-’90s targets include Blade Runner (1982), Knightrider (1982-86), and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1993-95). Star Wars and other space operas are paid tribute to as well.

Favorite scene(s): Max Level Holly reveals herself to original Holly; Tucker takes notes for Ilsa; original Holly explodes Max Level Holly’s head; Pierre finds McKenzie partying with two bikini-clad babes!

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“Welcome to Hitlerland”

Favorite line(s): “What the f…?” Holly wonders, after waking up on Boss Hitler’s operating table.

“Oh, God. Pierre’s gone Nazi,” Jackson exclaims, upon hearing Pierre speaking German.

“First, Holly comes back to life, then Hitler, then we all come back to life, but Claire’s still dead?” Tucker whines.

“Oh, dammit! I can’t get away from you bunch of f…” Holly exclaims.

“Damn it, Pierre! Speak American!” Jackson snarls.

“Get your hands off my lamp and climb into this carcass!” The Colonel commands original Holly, after he kills Rewind and Megabite.

“That’s Hitler! Holy s…!” Holly exclaims, disguised as Rewind, when she and The Colonel, disguised as Megabite, find Hitler.

“Aw, suck a stiffy, Hitler!” Tucker quips, before sending Hitler into space.

Running gags: In the opening “Previously on Danger 5” outtake, Pierre is taken away by cops; the ending fake advertisement is for the Super Tamicon game kit with Adolf Hitler’s Wheel ‘N’ Shoot!

Wow! What an awesome finale to an awesome second season! Hopefully, Season 3 is being planned!

Watch the Danger 5 Season 2 trailer here …

Danger 5 (Season 1 and Season 2) is currently available on Netflix. However, if the DVDs become available here in the U.S., I will definitely be picking those up! In addition, the soundtracks (courtesy of creator Dario Russo) for Season 1 and Season 2 are currently available on iTunes, Amazon, eMusic, etc. Season 1 is filled with surfy ’60s spy themes and groovy cocktail mixes, while Season 2 is dominated by synth-feuled ’80s music.

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Danger 5 – Season 2: Pierre, Ilsa, Jackson, Tucker, Claire

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2 thoughts on ““They call us Danger 5!”

  1. Pingback: “Kung Fury” Unleashed! « My Heart Explodes

  2. Pingback: Kung Fury « Girls, Guns & Zombies!

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